Author Topic: New body TW  (Read 780 times)

K-Olivia

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New body TW
« on: July 08, 2018, 09:13:03 pm »
So I’ve managed to gain a considerable amount of weight in recovery. I’m scared of further weight gain does this mean I’m not recovered yet ? I find myself still restraining in certain ways ex I wait for my spouse to wake up to eat breakfast.  I guess I’m confused with what’s right for me.

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JDylah_da_Kylah

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Re: New body TW
« Reply #1 on: July 09, 2018, 08:52:41 pm »
Hello, friend! ^_^

Recovery or otherwise, our bodies will weigh what they weigh because that's what they need to weigh. There is absolutely no way you can sweet-talk your body into not gaining further weight unless not gaining further weight is optimal for its health and functioning, and whatever it does is not dependent upon you whatsoever. Your job is to rest and eat.

I think waiting to eat until your spouse wakes up depends on a few factors. How much earlier than them are you waking up? Are you hungry? It can't hurt to toodle down to the kitchen and grab a glass of juice and some toast while you wait for them before having your usual breakfast together. See how that feels. Sometimes taking those little measures can help us realize that maybe we've been restricting without meaning to (because ED is a sneaky devil that way).

Finally, one thing that's helped me is to stop thinking about "meals" per se. I eat when I wake up. I eat a couple hours after that, and a couple hours after that, and a couple hours after that . . . It helped break the rigidity that having certain "meals" (breakfast, lunch and supper) can create.

Pretend you're a hobbit. Wake up, have breakfast. When your spouse wakes up, have second breakfast. And elevensies. ;)

TL;DR: the fact that you're expressing a fear of gaining more weight and waiting to eat (albeit for the very sweet reason of eating breakfast with your spouse) has me thinking that you might want to play around with things a little bit.

But give yourself a solid pat on the back. You've come a long way. Keep fighting!

<3
Dyl.
« Last Edit: July 09, 2018, 08:54:35 pm by JDylah_da_Kylah »
~  LLAP  ~  May the Force be with you.  ~

eatthefood

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Re: New body TW
« Reply #2 on: July 19, 2018, 12:15:32 am »
The fear of weight gain, while normal at first, is certainly something that you can become free of as you work towards remission.

Are you working with a therapist currently, Kottaway? How long have you been meeting minimums?

K-Olivia

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Re: New body TW
« Reply #3 on: August 12, 2018, 09:53:51 am »
My waiting has been typically several hours and really I think it is some form of restriction because I eat a different breakfast from him anyways. I’ve done better in this regard but I still consistently like to be hungry at the same time as him which is sometimes a source of anxiety for me.


I was working with a counsellor but she was extremely triggering for me a quasi recovered bulimic. I speak to my GP every 6 weeks and have been patiently waiting for a referral for almost a year now. My self esteem has always been huge issue and was taught as a child that my appearance was directly linked to my worth. It’s been a really tough 8 months (Time spent eating minimums with a few stumbles).

Today I woke up with the HUNGER and promptly ate a bunch of cookies, chocolate, and chips with my breakfast. I’m now currently very very anxious about this. Feel some old negative self talk creeping in. Trying to breath distract but it’s difficult when I feel like I’ve gained and shouldn’t be eating like this anymore

I’m also kind of wound up about potentially eating out with some close friends this week at a restaurant. 

Panda7353

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Re: New body TW
« Reply #4 on: August 12, 2018, 02:10:07 pm »
If you are weighing yourself...stop...your weight at this point means less than nothing...we gain edema and fat and then bone and muscle..even our digestive systems gain weight! It is hard to accept but weight gain is imperative to healing...so try to make it a positive..that it means healing..because it does!  I find it very hard to eat in the morning...but the longer I delay,the harder it is,so I suck it up and eat......Sounds like you for sure need a new therapist...I hope that happens soon for you. I have not been out with friends in a long time...I am just starting to feel like I could go out and eat..but have no plans......it helps that I have more energy and less anxiety and that comes with eating and resting.You have come along way,be patient and gentle with yourself,treat yourself like you would a loved one recovering from a long illness.

JDylah_da_Kylah

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Re: New body TW
« Reply #5 on: August 12, 2018, 09:03:25 pm »
<3

I think breakfast can be a good point of working to retrain your brain. Eat when you wake up. I know it must be nice to eat with your spouse, and frankly you still can, but it also seems like you'd to very well to not wait and wait and wait to eat. You're correct in identifying this as restriction. <3 Besides, if he supports you recovery, what would he recommend? Putting off eating and being hungry just so you can eat with him? Probably not. He'd probably nudge you towards getting breakfast (or at least a first breakfast) and then joining him for second breakfast.

It's such a good thing that you responded to your hunger this morning. I know it's anxiety producing but it does get better with time as you keep doing it over and over and over. It's sort of like a threat desensitization in many ways: our brains connect food with fear, and recovery's largely about teaching our brains that they don't need to have the fear response to food. On that note, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that you're able to find a good therapist soon! <3

I don't know if it's available where you are, but have you ever looked into online / distance / remote counseling? In my experience it's much easier to pick from a variety of therapists and, frankly, switch therapists if the current one isn't working out.

<3
Dyl.
~  LLAP  ~  May the Force be with you.  ~

eatthefood

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Re: New body TW
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2018, 09:41:38 am »
My self esteem has always been huge issue and was taught as a child that my appearance was directly linked to my worth. It’s been a really tough 8 months (Time spent eating minimums with a few stumbles).

I’m sorry you were taught that, Olivia. What a damaging message to send to a child. =/ Since you don’t have a therapist right now (though I also hope you’ll be able to find a good one at some point), you might find it helpful to go through some of the exercises and meditations on Dr. Krisitin Neff’s website. Her work is focused on self-compassion as an antidote to low self-esteem and the harsh inner critic.

Quote
Today I woke up with the HUNGER and promptly ate a bunch of cookies, chocolate, and chips with my breakfast. I’m now currently very very anxious about this. Feel some old negative self talk creeping in. Trying to breath distract but it’s difficult when I feel like I’ve gained and shouldn’t be eating like this anymore.

So proud of you!! :) I’ve been weight stable for something like three years now, and I’ll still eat plenty of “junk food” when I’m hungry for it. This is how non-ED people eat! :D

It’s now so important not to restrict in response. Have a snack mid-morning, have a good lunch, and keep the ball rolling.

Quote
I’m also kind of wound up about potentially eating out with some close friends this week at a restaurant.

Aw, that’s stressful. But since you’ll be with your closesed friends who support you, maybe it’ll be a good situation to practice facing the fear?

Panda7353

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Re: New body TW
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2018, 06:05:06 pm »
K Olivia...were you able to go out and how did it go? I might be meeting with friends next week,trying to feel positive about it.....